Generational Walls

So God placed today on my heart like 3 months ago, and I didn't know how it would all play out, but it did, and it went REALLY well.

I need to share a little bit of background first

11th grade year our youth pastor was INCREDIBLE. He offered me something that every fiber of my being yearned for. In his hands extended to me he held LIFE. This had been offered to me before this in different shapes and forms throughout the years prior, but I wasn't ready, I didn't get that I needed it. Those were years when I cared about what I wore, what people thought of me, what guy I could get to pay attention to me- all that junior high stuff..

But Scott was sharing LIFE, PASSION, Desire for something greater- for a story bigger than myself. Whenever he spoke, my heart would do flips inside my chest and whisper - that- that's it- that is what you have been NEEDING all along.

He met with a few of us in the mornings on Sundays asking us about the direction of the youth group challenging us to grow in our walk with God. He asked us questions like what is God saying to you right now, we'd spend time listening and then share, it was a learning growing experience, and my relationship with God just FLURISHED.

He told us that God was presenting him with two options with the youth group- In one hand he could continue doing fun and games drawing more people to the youthgroup OR He could share some deep heart-challenging stuff and we would lose LOTS of people, and slowly gain more. He let us in on this decision- after all he was training us all to be leaders. And without hesitation we all chose the second option.

We were making tons of plans with the youthgroup.

And then one day - He doesn't show up- Instead one of the women at our church is reading a letter about being sorry not to be able to share this himself, but that he would no longer be our youth pastor WHAT? This left many of us, dazed, confused, hurt, and many-like myself- without that sense of direction.

Prior to this Scott and a few of us had been meeting discussing a book, and picking apart our Chrisitanity. During one of these meeting the topic at hand were movements that started, but when a leader was taken out, the movement stopping. Because they didn't get the point, they didn't see the bigger picture.

So - with this- I strived to see the bigger picture
I saw Scott as someone who was carrying this big flame, and he was passing it on for us to carry. I had done that initially- but soon that flame flickered and grew cold- to the bitterness and unforgiveness that was hardening my heart to some leaders, and my church. I was angry- I had an opportunity at life, at leadership, at passion- but because I hadn't fully grasped this on my own- it was all gone now...

BUT

God is good, and what he starts, He brings into completion. Yes it took a couple of years, and here I sit- fully alive- with this passion that at times I just can't contain- with a desire to share it with others. For their eyes to be opened to a story much greater than our own. There was a process of dethawing letting that bitterness go, forgiving my offenders, even though they had no idea of the offense that was made against me - my place in Christ, myself as a leader, as a voice to be heard, as a heart to be sought after. I forgave my offenders.

3 years after this whole fiasco and about half a year after fully being able to forgive- God presents me with the fact that the leadership were not the only ones at fault. I was guilty of having harbored bitterness and resentment. So greived, I went before my father, I acknowledged that I was at fault for holding such horid things inside me for far longer than needed to be. And I asked him to forgive my generation and any future generations that I could stand in the gap for who had faced similar situations

I felt like Nehamiah, asking for forgiveness of his forefathers, who had left the wall in Jerusalem unbuilt.

Once this was all done- I had this URGENCY - I NEEDED to ask for forgiveness from the church leadership I needed to right this wrong. I needed to own all the crap from my generation, and generations prior to me. I knew that if I didn't- the upcoming movement within the youthgroup would be ATTACKED by the stronghold that satan held in this.

I shared this with my mentor. She had sensed that there was something looming over the youth group, but since she is newer to the church, had no idea what it was. So she started talking with the leadership trying to arrange something.

So today I met with one of the elders- the one in charge of the Scott situation...

And it was amazing! I shared my story and I asked for forgiveness for offenses held in the hearts of my generation. As I did, God whispered to my heart, "this is leadership." I was forgiven, and following this, I was asked for forgiveness on behalf of the church for how the situation was handled. WALLS came down in the spiritual realm I felt it.

The coolest things that was said to me was that I got what Scott had offered me. He could see it in my eyes. The fact that I was sitting before him today was testimony to that. I had taken a hold of that life that he offered and made it my own. That passion was in my eyes.

As he prayed he spoke of how in my hand I held justice and peace, and I didn't even see them in my hands because they were also a part of me, they were in my body they were in my eyes.

Cool.
I love shaking things in the heavenly realms
Pushing back the powers of darkness, and letting the light of the Kingdom of God shine forth