Time with the Bedenkop Bunch.

I had the special honor of being able to spend 3 days with an AMAZING family who blessed me immensely in the short time that we were together. It was so exciting to do life with them, and dream about our future together in ministry (more on that later). We had sweet times of waiting on God together and they just POURED into my life. I love spending time with whole families. I didn’t have a healthy marriage to be able to model after for future reference, and God keeps blessing me with INCREDIBLE couples to be this model for me.

God really ministered to my heart through them especially the last night and I feel I should share it here. I shared with them the immense paralyzing fear that comes over me when anyone comes to correct me or has a request for me to do something differently. I knew this was not normal, nor of God, and so I asked for prayer. Sarah was given a picture of me as a little birdy in a nest with my mouth open as wide as I could, hungry for love. And when people passed through my life what I would get was just a drop. God didn’t want me to be that little bird, but an eagle soaring to great heights, confident of the love that has been given to me.

We asked God to reveal the place where the enemy first spoke lies over me that I wasn’t enough, or that I was too much. It was something that I had received while in the womb. Then I asked God what He spoke over me and what He repeated over and over and over was, “you are my precious gift the world.” Sarah added that God painted. So she got out everything – finger paints, water colors, colored pencils, markers… etc And I had fun painting as God showed me different pictures of what he spoke over me, what he thought of me, and it was a sweet precious time of Him enveloping me in his love.

This was a day marking endings – the end of searching for love from people, the end to the bitterness and hurt I carried in my heart, the end of the fear of man, the end of comparing my worth to others. It was a day to mark new beginnings- beginning to knowing the height and the width and the depth of God’s love, the beginning of falling so much more in love with him, the beginning of restoration, that I in turn will bring to the nations.