I am no longer in Costa Rica, nor am i yet in Arizona. I'm just here - and I think I might need to combine all of these blogs because I'm thinking that a blog for each place will just be too much. Until I figure something out- I'll just write here....

I tend to only write when I can see the good things or the struggles in light of the good that I see, and when things are tough, refrain from writing.

SO

this needs to change....

yes i have gloves
but i toss them aside
touching the things of the earth,
the leaves, the dirt
mud covered hands,
surface level scratches,

your clean hand stretched to meet mine
with grace filled welcoming eyes.
an invitation
A simple greeting
a simple exchange
an offer to place my soiled hand in yours

I extend my arm
but give you my wrist

I'll give you my hand again
I know I will
teach me

with my mouth I speak
take my hand
take my heart

but letting go
means taking
hold

and i just don't know...

49.365 - This is a Brand New Day on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

49.365 - This is a Brand New Day on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

I just really like this picture

My Open Heart Surgery

In the wee hours of the morning the Lord spoke beautifully to my heart. This is what He said, "A New Day, New Beginings (all caps- as though it was a title). New treasures to behold. Today I will unfold gems before your eyes- and it will be a glorious sight. You will see my glory shining through ____ (I felt a blank- there was something missing here... so I filled it for God with a name of someone who I thought I was going to minister to today). (She) will radiate....

Day continues.
Totally not thinking about what God had said.
He did speak it very early in the morning and a lot has happened since then.
All of a sudden I'm overcome with a NASTY headache that wipes me out, makes me nauseous to the point where I can't even stand. I lay down and cover my head. I rebuked the enemy, and my headache lifted for a brief moment, but then continued. I now realize that yes the source was of the enemy- but the enemy had rightfully gained entrance and place to camp out.... It started as a wound, which turned into agreements, which turned into a stronghold- a place where the enemy has legitimate ground. SO....

Through prayer Jesus revealed to me through some loving friends who were standing with me- that the tension in my body and my head was being caused by something that I was holding onto TIGHTLY. I knew this because earlier I tried to let go of everything, I named it all out- but even thought I had spoken surrender to the Lord, I still held onto them and the fear of the future in my heart.

A little background with my history of fear of the future... It took up WAY to much space in my life! I would always think "what if this...." "what if that..." "what would happen when..." sure I could jump a plane and start a new adventure, but those closest to me can bear witness to the anxiety and fear that loomed strongly with things as simple as packing or sleeping...

So with the culprit fear of the future identified, my friends left me with Jesus for a little open heart surgery....

Jesus.... where did this lie enter in-? that I have to hold onto things, that I fear the future, and need to figure things out to make sure I'm safe, where was the initial wound inflicted - I saw it so clearly, a memory that seems to be the root of several things that had operated in my life. I'm looking at the divorce papers on the kitchen table. As I see the image, I break down crying. I have the mindset of when I was eight. All the thoughts rushed in of "I have to be ahead of the game" "I need to know what's going on around me at all times to have control of what could happen" "I need to think of every possible thing that COULD happen- to be ready in any circumstance..." "I´m not going to be caught off guard, and hurt again..." I felt it all SO heavy on me....

Jesus... where are you? show me where you are in this scene... a few moments passed and I didn't see anything. I started to fear, so I asked again, this time a little more desperately
Jesus... where are you???? Then, all I could see was his garment, because he had his arms wrapped around me so tightly. He said "I want to love you." With his statement, I knew that I was holding onto something that wasn't allowing me to receive his love. -the fear-

So Jesus asked me "Can you give me this fear?" I broke down crying because my answer was "no", the fear was too great, its weight to much, and the fear of not being in control, and empty handed seemed overwhelming to this place that was only eight years old in my mind. As I sobbed, I felt layers of the heaviness lifting off of me, until I was able to say, "yes, I give you this fear of the future, I place it in your hands"



As I placed the fear in his hand, I felt the lightness of the freedom that comes with it, and Jesus said, "I want to lavish you with my love" I felt so free, and like I was receiving his love for the first time to some areas of my heart. This goes along perfectly with the song that I was singing over and over this morning:

"All consuming fire, your our hearts desire, living flame of love, come baptize us, come baptize us... let us fall more in love with you... I want to know how high, how deep, how wide, is love love love"

With the wound healed, it was easy to clean up what remained of the crumbling stronghold.... First, I asked for forgiveness for holding onto the fear, and believing the lies. Then I renounced, rejected, and rebuked the lies and the things that were feeding them. I asked the Holy Spirit to come and deal with anything that was still present.

I felt the tension in my back lifting and in its place warm spots- I could tell that God was using the heat of his fire to burn away anything that the enemy used to hold onto in regards to this.

When Kristy came back to see how I was- everything had lifted except for a pressure and headache at the very top of my head. She had sensed it, and knew and shed light on what it was about.

I had made a decision that I was going to find a man who was going to love me, and I was going to make it work, because I wouldn't be left alone. All dreaming about my future husband, and focusing on that was this weight that God doesn't want me to carry. He want to give me a man who is on fire and madly in love with Jesus, who will treasure me, and pursue my heart, without me needing to look for it...

So we reversed that decision, and I surrendered control about my future husband to Jesus, something that I have been trying to do for MONTHS. It's gone it's in his hands.

There is no more fear of the future- IT'S GONE. All worries GONE. There is just this peace, this stillness, and as I saw oil dripping all over me, God just whispered, "Be still, and know that I am God....Be still.... you will be able to hear my voice more clearly, because the worry that cluttered your mind is now gone."

I feel SO FREE!

I was so grateful and so full of joy I started to write this poem, that one day will be a song...

Free to love
Free to live
as my Lord Jesus did
Not worrying about today
Not worrying about tomorrow
living by His grace for this day
with hope of treasures to follow
lavished with love
no fear in sight
I can depend on my sovereign Lord's might
Freedom reigns where His Spirit is
His Spirit DWELLS WITHIN me
What a glorious restoration besought
A story of true intimacy and love unfolding before my eyes
what once was not clear - now with no trace of cloud in the sky
LIFE
LOVE
FREEDOM

After writing this God told me to look at what I had written earlier today
"A New Day, New Beginings (all caps- as though it was a title). New treasures to behold. Today I will unfold gems before your eyes- and it will be a glorious sight. You will see my glory shining through YOU (The blank space is ME!). YOU will radiate....

I Dare You To Move (Te Reto Mover)

So the week that Kristy taught on inner healing, we had a celebration day. Each of us was to create something with God about what He had done in our lives during the week.

I went to get a piece of cardboard to paint, and I felt God whisper ¨I have something better¨so I didn´t grab the cardboard...

I pulled out a nice big chunk of wall out of some discarded building materials, and I thought it was PERFECT. I got out the paints and magazine clippings and started making one of my famous collages. Again I felt God whisper ¨this isn´t what you are going to present¨ I pretty much said whatever God, as I continued to work on the painting. ¨This is just for you¨I ignored Him and kept working...

As I walked into my bedroom I Dare You To Move by Switchfoot played very vividly in my mind, and I did a little twirl.... O NO GOD... O NO... I AM NOT GOING TO DANCE. I´m going to present this painting...

I listened to the song, and it was like something inside of me woke up, and desired to dance, I saw the first part of the dance - it was going to be the story of the deliverance of my fears, and idols...

But I was so AFRAID to dance, because well, quite frankly I don´t know how...So I asked God, ¨do I have to dance?¨¨no¨ he responded, but I could feel his heart sadden, so I asked ¨Do you want me to dance?¨ ¨Yes¨ ¨Okay, then, I´ll dance...but it needs to be totally of you, you need to be alll over this...¨

As I played the song over and over again, God would show me a little more of the dance play out, but I was missing a big chunk of time...

I went to the celebration and had songs, poems, and artwork minister to my spirit. Then I saw this girl dance, she had such grace, such fluid movement, and I...welll... I started to compare myself and make every excuse for why I should just share my painting.

God stopped me mid stream of though ¨let this dance touch you, just receive from her dance, you have something different to offer¨I had been so caught up and focused on my own dance that I wasn´t taking hers for the beauty that it brought to the room. So I just soaked it all in, and then prayed as I presented mine, that God´s Holy Spirit would empower me,and open hearts and that my dance would be used for His purposes

I gave it everything I had, and as I was dancing God showed me what the last part of the dance, and it was so powerful. Even if it wasn´t to touch the hearts of others, this dance was a prophetic declaration over my life, over my calling, where I´ve come from and where I´m going... With just a step at a time I´m learning to dance.

image source

La semana que ense~o Kristy acerca de sanidad interior, tuvimos un dia de celebracion. Cada uno de nosotros teniamos que creer algo acerca de lo que Dios habia hecho en nosotros durante la semana. Tome una cartolina para pintar, y senti que Dios me dijo "Tengo algo mejor" entonces no use la cartolina. Al rato vi un pedaso de pared entre unas materiales que habian botado, y pense que era PERFECTO.

Saque las pinturas y empeze una de las obras de artes que estoy acostumbrada de hacer. De nuevo senti Dios susurar "esto no es lo que vas a presentar" Y basicamente lo ignore y sigui pintando,mientras que El me dijo que "Esto es solamente para ti" pero aun asi segui trabajando.

Subi a mi cuarto y la cancion "I dare you to move" (Te Reto Mover) de Switchfoot sono tan fuerte en mi mente. Hize un movimiento de baile que salio de mi corazon. ... O NO... DIOS... NO... NO VOY A BAILAR. Voy a presentar esta pintura.

Escuche la cancion, y fue como algo dentro de mi se desperto, y deseo bailar. Vi el primer parte del baile- iba ser una estoria de la liberacion de mis temores y idolos...

Pero, tenia tanto MIEDO de bailar, porque francamente, no se como... Entonces pregunte a Dios, "tengo que bailar?" "no" respondio Dios, pero senti que su corazon entristesio. Entonces pregunte "quieres que yo bailo" "si" "okay, entonces, bailare... pero esto necesita ser completamente de Ti, nesesitas estar en esto"

Mientras que escuche la cancion una y otra vez, Dios me ensenio mas y mas de el baile, pero me hacia falta la parte del final....

Fui a la celebracion y las canciones, poemas, y obras de arte ministraron tanto a mi espiritu. Luego vi esta muchacha bailar, tenian tanta gracia, movimiento que fluye... y yo... pues empeze a compararme, y hice excusas por que debia solamente mostrar mi pintura.

Dios me paro mientras que estaba pensando y me dijo "deje que este baile te toque, recibe de este baile, tienes algo diferente para ofrecer" Estaba tan enfocada en mi baile que no estaba dejando entrar la hermosura que el baile de ella trajo al lugar. Entonces tome de lo que ella ofrecio y luego ore para que El Espiritu de Dios me empodera, y abriera corazones para que mi baile podria cumplir con los propositos de el.

Entrege todo lo que tenia para dar, y mientras bailaba, Dios me mostro el ultimo parte del baile, y fue tan poderoso. Aun si Dios no lo iba usar para tocar los corazones de otros, este baile fue una declaracion profetica sobre mi vida, mi llamado, de donde vengo, y hacia donde voy... con un paso a la vez estoy aprendiendo bailar.

The Sacred Serenade - La Serenata Sagrada

So I´ve always dreampt of being serenaded. The romance of it, someone being so intensely in love with me that they just have to express it in the middle of the night through a song that they wrote for me and just can´t wait until morning to express... hopeless romantic, I know... (I shouldn´t say hopeless, because someday, i know this romance will come...)

But I love that I´m in love with an even more romantic God (we are made in his image, so why shouldn´t he be romantic...) and humorous too...

So this morning I was listening to the radio that the construction workers next door were listening to, and it was all about Serenades... so that longing for romance was stirred....

I´m sitting at the kitchen table eating bread and drinking coffee when all of a sudden I am no longer in control of my left hand... it´s being held by a thirteen year old boy who sponatneously burst into a fifteen second song dedicated to me....


Haha. LordDadGod, you are funny... and I just love you.

Siempre he deseado una serenata. El romance de eso, que alguien este tan enamorado con mi que lo tienen que expresarlo y no pueden esperar hasta la maniana para expresarlo en una cancion... tal vez soy una romantica sin esperanza (bueno, no debo decir sin esperanza, porque se que algun dia ese romance llegara...)

Amo que estoy enamorada con un Dios que es aun mas romantica (somos hechos en su imagem, entonces porque no seria romantico?) y chistoso tambien...

Entonces esta ma~ana estaba escuchando el radio que constructores a la par estaban escuchando, y se trataba de serenatas... entonces ese deso para romance salio en mi...

Estaba sentada tomando cafe, y de un pronto a otro ya no tenia control de mi mano... un chiquito de trece spontaniamente me hecho una cancion de unos 15 segundos. Insipirada y dedicada a mi...

HAHA Se~orPapiDios, eres chistoso, y solamente Te Amo

<< REWIND << >PLAY> Enemy Identified. Time for War - Enemigo Identificado. Tiempo de Guerra

From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it. Mathew 11:12

Desde los días de Juan el Bautista hasta ahora, el reino de los cielos ha venido avanzando contra viento y marea, y los violentos lo conquistan por la fuerza. 11:12
I had the beautiful privilage of translating for another very spirit filled woman, one of my good freinds, mentor, ecourager, challenger... (the list is endless of what she is to me) Sarah. Mother of two incredible little boys, Joshua and Caleb, and wife of my former DTS leader, Ryan, mentor, stirrer of hunger for God{s glory and kingdom come... (again the list is endless).

I was able to stand alongside of her and wage war, advance the kingdom of heaven, while exposing the enemy, and sharing about the war that we were born into and starts the moment we realize that we are in the middle of it.

Two things that stuck with me from the teaching (having gone through it 2 years ago, and now translating for this DTS) We need to be AWARE of our enemy but IMPRESSED by God... you can{t worry and trust God at the same time - whew- (raises guilty of not trusting God)

It was such a remarkable sight. Seeing the students challenged, encouraged, empowered, and then commissioned by God to get out of their chairs, pick up their armor, and take a stand against their enemy for the kingdom of God.

I saw God{s heart for healing this week as well, as some of what was taught last week trickled into this week. First in my life (which will be it{s own blog post to be released on tuesday), and then in the lives of at least 2 of the students, one of whom i{m sure to be a lifelong friend.

I just love Jesus....
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Tuve la bella privelegio de traducir para otra mujer muy llena del espiritu, una de mis buenas amigas, mentores, animador, retor... (la lista no tiene fin de quien ella es para mi) Sarah. Madre a dos hijos increibles, Josue y Caleb, y esposa de mi lider de la EDE, Ryan, mentor, alguien que mueve y causa hambre para la gloria del reino de Dios, (otra vez la lista no tiene fin)

Yo pude estar al lado de Sarah, para luchar, y avenzar el reino del cielo, mientras que revelamos los tacticos del enemigo, y compartiamos acerca de la guerra en que nosotros naciamos, y empezamos el momento que nos damos cuenta que ya estamos en medio de ella.

Dos cosas que resaltaron para mi en su ense`ianza (despues de haber escuchado este ense~anza hace 2 a~os y ahorra a traducirlo para la EDE) tenemos que estar pendientes de nuestro enemigo pero impresionado por Dios... y no puedes preocuparte y confiar en Dios a la vez... uy! (estoy culpable de no confiar en Dios...)

Fue algo muy impactante lo que vi. Ver los estudiantes, retados, animados, empoderados, y commisionados de Dios de salir de sus sillas, recoger su armadura, y tomar su lugar de pie contra el enemigo para el reino de Dios.

Vi el corazon de Dios para sanidad esta semana, como parte de lo que aprendimos la semana pasada surgio durante esta semana. Primero en mi vida ( que va a ser su propia "post") y luego en la vida de por lo menos 2 de los estudiantes, una de ellas, se que va a ser una amiga de la vida.

Simplemente amo a Jesus....

<< REWIND << >PLAY> JUCUM San Jose

We have to rewind a bit because I didn{t share about my INCREDIBLE experience in San Jose.

At first I was pretty nervous to be going, not knowing any body who lived on base. But God totally was watching out for me in this and it turned out that one of my friends from the Heredia base was going to be helping with Mission Adventures at the San Jose base. Knowing one person on base was really grounding. Not to mention that the moment I arrived I was greeted with the sweet kiss of this enveloping peace and presence of God that just DWELLS there. Yep, God definately has me covered.

The first week I was translating for my friend Kristy on inner healing. I love translating for really spirit filled people, its like her annointing and peace just rested on me when I translated, like a cloth that was just draped over me. I saw Jesus doing some HUGE stuff in the classroom, and being able to be a part of that and interceeding really touched me. It was so neat to see God moving so strongly and bringing so much freedom to the DTS students, the staff, and even myself. I{m also really grateful in that it{s like a little toe dipping time, getting my feet wet before running and jumping off the deep end in Arizona....

I was so blessed this week to hear the heart stories of such amazing women. I{m forever marked by them, and just love how God connects us. It was a time of encouragement, and intimacy, open hearts thirsty for all that God has to pour into each one.

¨I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.¨ - Ezekiel 11:19

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Tenemos que devolvernos un poco porque no comparti acerca de mi tiempo INCREIBLE que experimente en San Jose.

Al principio estuve un poco nerviosa, al no saber nadien que vivia en la base. Pero Dios estaba quidando de mi en esto y surgio que uno de mis amigos de la base de Heredia iba estar ayudando con Aventuras Misioneras en la base de San Jose. Conociendo a una persona fue algo que me aseguro. Ademas de eso, el momento que llegue fue saludada por el dulce beso de el paz que me cubria y la presencia de dios INHABITA ese lugar. Si, Dios me esta cuidando.

La primera semana que estuve traduciendo para Kristy acerca de sanidad interior. Me encanta traduciendo para gente que estan lleno de del espiritu santo, es como su uncion y paz reposaba sobre mi mientras que traduje, como un manto que cayo sobre mi. Vi a Jesus haciendo GRANDES cosas en el aula, y poder ser parte de eso intercediendo me toco. Fue bueno ver Dios mover tan fuerte y traendo libertad en las vidas de los estudiantes, el personal, y en mi vida. Estoy tan agradecida por esto. Es como que puse mi dedo en una picina, mojando los pies antes de correr y brincar a la profundidad en Arizona.

Estuve bendecida esta semana de escuchar las estorias de los corazones de unas mujeres muy asombrantes. Estoy marcada por siempre por ellas, y me encanta como Dios nos conecta. Fue un tiempo de animo, intimidad, y corazones abiertos y sedientos para todo de lo que Dios queire derramar en cada uno de nosotras.

Yo les daré un solo corazón y pondré un espíritu nuevo dentro de ellos. Y quitaré de su carne el corazón de piedra y les daré un corazón de carne Ezekiel 11:19

FIRE... it{s a little hotter than I thought...

So... my heart cry has been, and continues to be for God{s fire to consume me. So that all that I am, is who HE wants me to be.



Fire is hot.
It burns.
And it allows impurities to surface.

This week I saw quite a bit of it...

I saw pride show its nasty face... It{s not like a boastful pride, but like a self centeredness, always thinking about myself, or how others perceive me. So there is an element of the fear of man mixed in their. Pride. Fear of man. GROSS.

God{s highlighting areas of my life and I{m just crying out to Him to dig deeper and pull these things out from their roots....

img src

Empty Handed, Full Hearted

I{m not quite sure i can fully identify with Abraham.. taking his SON to be a sacrifice. What a HARD and difficult journey that must have been up the mountain.

I take a look at the petty things that i had held onto so tightly. When God asks for them my face flushes, my palms sweat, my kneews shake... but I carry it (sometimes slowly) to the alter.

Each time the alter looks different... sometimes a fire, sometimes a grave i{ve had to dig myself, but last night it was a person...

Seeing his face and hearing his astonished and almost unbelief filled ¨GOD IS STARTING TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS¨ makes the sacrifice and walking away empty handed so worth it.

I walk away empty handed, but will a heart that is filled.

image source

Change My Heart

So you know those people who when they get online, you can't help but roll your eyes... I was so passive talking with someone tonight, I could've just cried. I did not want to chat with her, but something kept me there. She starts to pour out her heart... JESUS???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS????? walls go up inside me, I start doing something else online. I don't want to touch this with a ten foot pole. Why? Pride and Fear mostly. What if what I say isn't enough? she keeps sharing. Desperately crying out for help. So i pray, and God gives me the words, a heart for her, and a lesson in humility along with it... because freedom was brought to this young woman's life. YEP, inner healing happens over the internet- but it's all Jesus, and not me. It is his compassion for this child of his (The Lord knows I didn't have any to offer when we started.)

Jesus, take this heart, purify its motives, that my heart would be where yours is

Spackled Walls and a Deeper Call

We went to Fraijanes, a place that had been affected by the earthquake that happened earlier this year. There we were painting bus stops. My job was to spackle. I was filling in gaps in the wall so that paint could easily go on. As I filled in the cracks, God whispered to my heart

“Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; You will raise up the age-old foundations; And you will be called the repairer of the breach, The restorer of the streets in which to dwell.”

Wow! I love God. One of the ways that he speaks to me is through what I do ... As I did something very practical, very physical, God whispered what I would be doing in the spiritual realm as well….

A True God Sent

I just met the most amazing woman that I have ever met in my life. One day she realized that she could do more than just be a house wife, and she prayed to God that he would show her how to use her to the best of her abilities. The next day a woman stopped by early in the morning asking her if she could take care of her three kids. More and more children kept arriving, and pretty soon she had to ask her mother in law for space to watch kids, but even that wasn’t enough. Within time she had some government support and was able to have a place for the kids to come daily. Her doors open before 6 and she has kids until after 10 at night.

She receives a little bit of government support for 80 some of the children. She receives well over that number, many of the children’s parents undocumented and unable to pay. She’s all go go go – as she runs the whole show with the help of 3 other women.

The most impacting thing is the LOVE that she pours out for these children. She shared with me that with every diaper she changes she is giving everything she has. She won’t make disgusting faces, but willingly cleans each one of them – just one of the many ways that she expresses her love to the children. She also shared about she disciplines them and uses tough love so that they learn, and won’t let them get by with all that they try to do. She boasts that not one swear word is spoken within her gates.

What broke my heart was hearing the story of a little boy and his little sister. Their mother is a prostitute and drug addict, both born of different fathers. They are some of the kids that are there until ten at night. One day the mom dropped of her son, and not her daughter. She didn’t come back to pick him up until four days later. This same little boy has been abused by his stepfather- his little sister’s father. The woman explains that those are the reasons why she works as much as she does.

She provides a safe place for these children to be. Free from drugs, free from violence, and abuse. If they weren’t with her they would be in their houses, neighbor’s houses or on the streets, suffering through all sorts of evils. She knows all about the street life, having grown up there herself, and she wants something better for these kids. She wants to have a place where they are safe, they are loved, and they are encouraged to move forward in their studies and live a different lifestyle from that of their parents.

His Presence and Ministry with Ohio team

From day 1 of being with them INCREDIBLE things have taken place. They are very open to the workings and the movement of the Holy Spirit. We had an AMAZING time in worship together where the presence of God was so tangible so real, I saw our hearts joining as one to worship the God that we all know and love. Our team ministered to theirs, and then theirs to ours and we ended up interceding for Heredia, Costa Rica, and the churches of Costa Rica. It was such a sweet time in the presence of God.


I translated for Church, and there were several times I had to hold my self back from shouting out when the Holy Spirit came upon me. I felt the pastors mantle resting upon me as I shared. The Holy Spirit to many of the youth and women of the church. My eyes were set on one woman but since I was translating it took me a while to get to her. The moment I set my hand on her, I began to pray as the Holy Spirit led, and She immediately started crying- entering into areas of her life that she hadn’t in the past, allowing Jesus to enter into her hurt, and being able to forgive those who had hurt her. It was SO powerful. God is setting the captives free!


We went to a park to share about Jesus and all that Jazz and we approached two guys, talked forever about everything under the sun, and then in the end asked if we could pray for them. They said yes and the first guy said for his school. The second guy said the same, but I could tell that he had something more, so I asked him and he OPENED up and shared about all of his pains with his father's alcoholism, how it tore apart his family and the lonliness he felt. This was HUGE for him to be sharing. His friend was hearing it all for the first time- and something in their friendship deepened. They are going to be able to hold each other up in times of difficulty, and for that I am so grateful.

Singing a New Song

A couple weeks ago, my little buddy Caleb (age 5) asked me a very simple question. But it sparked very profound moment of introspection... This little boy placed his hand over my mouth and asked "Why do you sing all the time?"

I responded with, "Because God has restored my joy"

God is SO good.

I don't know if most of you know this or not but I had struggled with depression, and suicidal thoughts, self-mutilation and the like for 7 years of my life. It was a time plagued of despair.

BUT God is SO GOOD.

He has changed my despair into JOY. This Joy that I just CAN'T CONTAIN- so I sing. all the time. everywhere. anywhere (yes even on the toilet). It is amazing. I just feel so free, and not only songs that I know but Spontaneous Songs lifted toward the heavens proclaiming the things of God's kingdom on earth.

New Creation

I almost forgot to write about one of the most remarkable things that I have ever experienced in my life! It took place as I was walking in Downtown San Jose, after spending the night at my good friend (more like a sister) Cinthia’s house. That morning as I had woken up to a vision of a pair of crutches – it was a two part vision- part for me, and part for one of my friend. So naturally as I caught glimpse of a man sitting on the curbside with a pair of crutches, I was captivated. I couldn’t take my gaze off of him.

This man appeared as though he carried the weight of the world in the wrinkles of his face. He asked me for money. I asked him if I could sit with him. He said yes, and as I sat down- I saw many pair of eyes look at me with curiosity in their gaze. It was as if with their glances they were asking- why would she sit on the ground with HIM… but I enjoy the people of the streets- sometimes more than others- (have to keep my heart in check sometimes)

I asked this man if I could heal his leg. He lifted his pant leg and showed me that he had been shot in the knee, it was bandaged, and shorter than the other one. As I spoke healing to his leg, God showed me that he was holding bitterness in his heart against his brother. When I asked him if this was true, he said yes that his *@$% brother had left him to fend for his own on the streets after their mother died. That every day he passes him on the street and doesn’t greet him (this is huge for a latin American country as greetings are very much part of the culture). To this I shared about the forgiveness, how Jesus extends it to us, and invites us to do the same to others. He received it, asked Jesus for forgiveness, and forgave his brother.

I saw this weight lift off of him, and began again to speak healing to his leg. Then he started laughing and looking up at me he exclaimed “IT’S GROWING! IT’S GROWING.” This man’s leg grew out a good 6 inches, but had about 3 inches left to grow. I asked God to heal him 100% but God said that he had more to do over the course of several days. I shared this with the man, and told him not to believe anything that the enemy brings, and after explaining that the enemy is he who comes to condemn, cast guilt and shame, steal, kill, and destroy- I told him not to stand for it, to say no- In Jesus I am a new creation. He continued to exclaim as joy radiated from his face “I AM A NEW CREATION! I AM A NEW CREATION!”

Guarari

A community rejoices

And mourns

In the same breath

Grateful for the blessing

of precious moments shared.

Grieved to lose

Their tangible glimmer of hope

In the dreary world in which they live.

Though peoples faces come

and go

Encouragments and raising up

There is one with them remains

Tried and true

Hope anew

Mercy and grace

Together dispel the shame

That society has black-marked them with

From behind the walls

Their light will shine

And bring forth this glory divine.

And walls will fall

Brick by brick

Until the life outside

And life within

Will grow to greater heights

Seeds have been planted.

Beneath concrete they lay

Whose roots will grow strong

And push back these layers

From generations past

The rains will pour down

And heat of the sun will wear

Until the sprouts break free

Shattering the concrete

And all will see

The glory of our Lord in

Guarari

Unity in Love Transforms Communities

These past few weeks have been INCREDIBLE. I have been translating for a team from Spruce Groves, Canada, and it’s been such a pleasure. They have truly accepted me as a part of their team, and there is such unity between the translators and the team. We are working as one to raise up a community. I love their approach to missions. It is one of love in relationships. They have the mind of Christ in their worldview, and it is so refreshing to see. They have been coming to Costa Rica for the past five years and have established a really good relationship with the community of Guarari. Guarari is a community that has been overlooked and outcast in this country. The city even built a wall in front of the community so that its tin houses can’t be seen from the mall.

We would be swarmed with kids from the moment we arrived. We were divided into three teams, one for the construction site where we are building a new community center, and one for the Vacation Bible School, and a woman’s group. I love how no one is overlooked. The children have their Vacation Bible School, teach the women different crafts, and the men (including drunkards of the community)helped build. Among the team were four girls from a local church in Heredia, who helped this team do ministry- it was a time of empowerment for these girls of Heredia to minister to their own people.

One thing that was so exciting to see was these kids really become kids. These children are normally left to fend for themselves at home while their parents are involved in drugs or simply don’t pay them any mind. We took 80 of the children to a farm sort of situation with big open green grass fields to play soccer, a swimming pool, and a little park. It was such a beautiful experience.

There is something BIG going on within this community. The children who normally go on Saturdays for a weekly children’s ministry prayed every week for houses to replace their dirt floor tin walls and roof that surround them. The government started this housing program, chose Guarari, and from the WHOLE community those who have received the new houses are the CHILDREN WHO PRAYED FOR THEM! PRAISE JESUS!

We would have a little time for devotions in the morning so a small group of woman and I would get together to discuss the different prompts. From the beginning of the week I had been praying for God to tear down walls. Two of the woman had expressed that they wanted to open up and be able to share themselves with people, but that they were afraid of rejection. I was asking God to make their hearts cry out for that deep companionship that only comes from being completely vulnerable... and at the end of the week one of the prompts that we were asked was "what one thing do you want to exchange in your life for what God has for you" BAM Everyone poured out their hearts to each other, we were able to support, pray for, and have a deep sense of fellowship. It was incredible. I guess I've taken for granted my ability to make deep friendships. It seems that every country I go, every group i am with I have someone who I bear my heart to, and they with me. We stand in prayer with each other as sisters in Christ. Until this last week, I didn't realize what a precious and rare gift fellowship of the heart is.

Little Miss Susy Homemaker

...
With a handful of our staff gone for the week, translating in Sardinal, the rest of us had to pick up a little bit of slack. This is an example of a normal day...

4:30am - wake up spend time with Jesus :)
5:00am - run
5:30am - shower
6:00am - breakfast prep
7:00am - serve breakfast
10:30am- lunch prep
12:30am - serve lunch
1:00pm - lunch cleanup
(4:00pm - dinner prep
5:00pm - serve dinner... some days)
6:00pm- dinner cleanup
11:00pm - sleep :)

WHEW!

Last night the team came back, so I am looking forward to having a little bit of a break - and am so STOKED to start translating.

El Alfarero

I arrived at the base to translate in Heredia. The first night was kind of awkward, I didn’t really know what was going on, but unpacked my things and settled in a bit. It was really different and intimidating to be at the base not knowing anyone. But God is so good, he allowed for one of my friends that I had made in 07 be there, it was just a point of comfort in transition, so that I would feel more ubicada.

I woke up at 4:30 the next day! God woke me up 2 hours before my alarm- but it was just enough time to type of my dreams from the night before, go on a nice praiseful run, spend some sweet time with him, and shower before breakfast. AMAZING, GOD WHAT A TREAT TO START MY MORNING WITH YOU

On top of that I was totally lost in worship today and it was so amazing to be able to be so near so saturated with the presence of God. I had prayed that God would help me for it to be just He and I, so that I wouldn’t worry about how other people thought of me, and just do it for Him. And that is EXACTLY how it was. Before the worship leader had started I was already lost from this world and totally experiencing Him. It was simply INCREDIBLE…

I had the opportunity to join with a DTS coming from Colorado to translate during their time of ministry. We went to a place called El Alfarero, meaning “The Potter” It’s a drug rehab center for men. The time that we spent with these men was BEYOND BELIEF. At first they played soccer and as I watched I prayed for them, and God showed me His heart for them in this beautiful vision.

There was a time of sharing and each of the young men shared their testimonies, and it was so INTENSE. Walls were coming down, and people’s faith was being encouraged by their brother’s testimonies. It was so REMARKABLE to be a part of as a translator. I was also able to share the vision, and they were really encouraged by what God’s heart was for them. The DTS leader prayed a POWERFUL prayer that I could feel in my spirit came straight from the heart of God WOAH! POWERFUL STUFF

I feel like my heart GREW in capacity to love and in COMPASSION for these men, and for all of God’s beloved –in just the few short hours we spent with them.

JESUS BLESS THEM, REVEAL YOURSELF MORE AND MORE TO THEM. FATHER, I ASK FOR MORE OF YOUR SPIRIT, MORE OF YOU IN THEIR LIVES. FATHER, I ASK FOR MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW IN LOVE AND COMPASSION.

Time with the Bedenkop Bunch.

I had the special honor of being able to spend 3 days with an AMAZING family who blessed me immensely in the short time that we were together. It was so exciting to do life with them, and dream about our future together in ministry (more on that later). We had sweet times of waiting on God together and they just POURED into my life. I love spending time with whole families. I didn’t have a healthy marriage to be able to model after for future reference, and God keeps blessing me with INCREDIBLE couples to be this model for me.

God really ministered to my heart through them especially the last night and I feel I should share it here. I shared with them the immense paralyzing fear that comes over me when anyone comes to correct me or has a request for me to do something differently. I knew this was not normal, nor of God, and so I asked for prayer. Sarah was given a picture of me as a little birdy in a nest with my mouth open as wide as I could, hungry for love. And when people passed through my life what I would get was just a drop. God didn’t want me to be that little bird, but an eagle soaring to great heights, confident of the love that has been given to me.

We asked God to reveal the place where the enemy first spoke lies over me that I wasn’t enough, or that I was too much. It was something that I had received while in the womb. Then I asked God what He spoke over me and what He repeated over and over and over was, “you are my precious gift the world.” Sarah added that God painted. So she got out everything – finger paints, water colors, colored pencils, markers… etc And I had fun painting as God showed me different pictures of what he spoke over me, what he thought of me, and it was a sweet precious time of Him enveloping me in his love.

This was a day marking endings – the end of searching for love from people, the end to the bitterness and hurt I carried in my heart, the end of the fear of man, the end of comparing my worth to others. It was a day to mark new beginnings- beginning to knowing the height and the width and the depth of God’s love, the beginning of falling so much more in love with him, the beginning of restoration, that I in turn will bring to the nations.

Tilaran

We woke up super early to say goodbye to my mom and Kris, and hit the road with my cousin Joe, my uncle Jorge Luis, my dad, and my sister. We drove some 4-5 hours stopping once along the way to eat breakfast on the beach in Puntarenas. (Pictured is me eating a "granizado""Churchill" "Copo" its made of shaved ice, falvored syrup, powdered milk, and condenesd milk- this one always I had another casado con pescado. We had some very INTERESTING experiences with the people looking for money on the beach. We made it to the little town of Tilaran in Guanacaste and met up with my cousin Sisgo. He works at the ICE (the only telephone company in Costa Rica) he came up with some crazy plan for the land for harvesting energy, so he’s putting it into practice. We went to go see the windmills up the mountain a ways, and had a fun time checking them out and taking pictures. We left fairly quickly and started home on a way that would go around the lagoon, and in front of Volcano Arenal (the volcano that showed in Spy Kids) we saw some AMAZING views on the way home. I slept the whole way home, it was a very nice day.

Down Town

We took a bus downtown San Jose from Sofi’s and met up with the rest of my family at the National Theater. We enjoyed a lovely cup of coffee there (mine was a mango milkshake) and then started walking the streets of the central avenue. We stopped to feed some pigeons. One landed on Kristoffer’s head. We listened to a band who was playing some ACDC and walked some more. We ran into my cousin, and then went to el Mercado to eat a “fruit salad) which is a lot of ice cream with jello and fruit. I had a casado since I hadn’t eaten yet. Casados are made up of rice beans salad meat (I always ask for fish) and some other side. It was SO GOOD! We walked around some more before busing it home. It was the first time my immediate family had a chance to hang out and it was really nice. Kris walked around in the rain holding up just the handle to an umbrella and got a lot of nice looks

Sofi's

Sofi woke up sick, so we nixed our trip to Heredia. I hung out all day here drawing, reading,

Sofi slept all afternoon, and things didn´t start to pick up until her family got home. I love her famliy I love her sisters her mom, her sisters boyfriends – they are all great.

San Rafael again

The Nygards took off, it was really sad to see them leave. But VERY ENCOURAGING to see all that they were able to experience of my culture, all that they learned, all that they grew in the short time that they were here.

Gabby, my mom and I grabbed a bus to Heredia. As we waited in line I saw a really cute guy in red plaid skinny pants, a green grinch hat, and a pierced septum. I saw that he was an Atheist, as one of the patches on his bag read ¨without God¨ And then everything incide of me started burning. I couldn´t hola back, I HAD to aske him why he didn´t believe in God. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn´t so i climed over my mom and sat next to him. I asked, and I listened. I don´t think that I needed to say anything, but I did. It was more important to listen than to try to prove my points to him. I love him, I can´t explain it. But I am moved by compasión to care about him, what he thinks during those few precious moments that we had on the bus. I didn´t preach to him the gospel, he probably knows more Bible than I. I just listened. GOD REVEAL YOURSELF TO ALEJANDRO, HE NEEDS YOU, EVEN THOUGH HE THINKS HE DOESN´T PLEASE HOLY SPIRIT MOVE HIM, TOUCH HIM IN A WAY SO DEEP SO PERSONAL THAT THERE WOULD BE NO DOUBT THAT HE HAS A FATHER WHO LOVES HIM.

We spent the whole morning at my mom´s friend Betty´s house. And then the whole afternoon at Marco´s family´s house. Then I went to Nacho´s. His grandma let me in his house, so I went into his kitchen and scared him, it was great. We walked together toward Ademar´s and Josue´s houses. I found out that Josué wasn´t home so I decided not to check to see if Ademar was there.

This guy walked passed me, and he didn´t take his eyes off of me. Not in a creepy, checking me out sort of a way, but a child’like curiousity. I just stared back to see if anything would happen. Then Nacho shouted in my ear, and I jumped like three feet. The old man started talking about how I could have ended up dead with a scare like that, then this other old man came up behind me. I took a step back so that I could see them at the same time, and the first man told me that he was drunk and that he was looking for Money for more guaro. The second guy told him that he had some, but the first told him to save it for an emergency and went on his way…. It was so wierd….. JESUS, WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?

I talked with Ademar on the phone. It was quite interesting. He told me that I never really know him, which REALLY hurt. It wasn´t like I hadn´t tried, he just didn´t let me in. I broke down in tears at the thought of how many other freinds don´t I know. And what happens if I´m in a relationship and end up marrying someone I don´t know- it scared me… He told me that although he doesn´t believe in exes being freinds he´d give it a try. So he opened up, shared the pains of his past, his struggle with depresión and suicidal thoughts, how he came out of it. I shared with him how after seven and a half years he was the one that by the grace of God had helped me start to step out of my depresión. He shared that we spent some really good time together and he doesn´t regret any of it (even though a year ago he told me he wished he had never met me) It seemed as though we were off to something really good.

Turrialba

I woke up feeling much better, with just enough time to shower and jump in the car. We drove several hours to a town called Turrialba where my good friend from childhood, Tammy lived. There are five of them Tammy, Tony, Becky, Oscar, and Bryan. With the four of us we are nine total, and its ALWAYS a blast. After Tammy got off of work we spent the whole night just catching up. We spent the night and didn´t leave until later the next day.

Day with the Bedenkop family :)

I hopped in a taxi and headed to the YWAM base for worship. I got dropped off at the wrong house, so I had to walk and figure out where the other house was. I finally arrived, but was stuck outside of the gate. I clanked on the gate with my ring for ten minutes, and then I started to sing. As I did, a guy with shaving cream all over his face popped his head out the window and then opened the gate for me. I joined in on some awesome worship – God was there. It was amazing- I sang in a way that I had never sang in my life- it was amazing.

On my way to the other house I ran into Ryan and Sarah, who swooped me off to the US embasy with them. We caught up with everything that God has been doing in us while we waited in lines. There was a time when they went up to the teller window and a song just burst forth from within me. I sang and sang and sang – unashamedly in love with the one whom I sang to. And then I felt like my presence in that room, my singing was really important to the spiritual condition and justice of that place. It was very strange but very neat at the same time.

We went out to eat. I had a casado con pescado and then we went to their house to show it to me and keep talking. We talked all afternoon, and into the evening. My fever was catching up to me, and they finally brought me home, but not before covering me in prayer. They are such a sweet family and I can´t wait to be able to spend more time with them in the coming year.

I woke up from sleep ON FIRE so fever filled that it physically hurt. My eyes were burning my feet everything. I broke down crying because on top of that I had diarrea that BURNED. It was horrible. My mom gave me medicine, and just being in her room talking with them, I felt better. Unbeknownst to her, she spoke a word of confirmation that I needed to decide the next year of my life (more of this to come later)

Setimo Fuego Concert- and Fuegolike fevers...

I skipped church and spent all morning sleeping in order tos ave energy for the concert J I traed to get my brothers, my cousins, or freinds to come with me, but all turned me down. So I hopped on a bus downtown by myself and hoped that I would meet up with the rest of the people who were going to the concert. I had no idea who would be there or how I would recognize them… until I saw a sea of black. There were about thirty adolecents dressed in black with thick eyeliner and big combat boots. BINGO! I approached the crowd and asked them if they were going to the concert. As I waited, I walked around the park taking pictures and admiring the capo eira that was taking place.

I met a couple of neat people who I spent time at the concert with. One of whom actually walked me through downtown SJ to make sure that I got safely on the bus back home :) And another who was the younger brother of some of the band members and friend of my cousin....? eyes…. I don´t get it, I

We filled the bus and made it with plenty of time to spare. The first group to play was Azgad. While they played, the lead singer screamed and I felt as though it ripped through the atmosphere, and penetrated into the hearts of the crowd opening them up to what God wanted to do during the night.

I was sitting (saving energy for the band that I had come to see, as I was still running a fever) when all of a sudden I felt a wind rush through the room. It was one of those Holy Spirit movements, so I turned and I saw that Setimo Fuego had arrived. It was as though with them they brought this presence with them. It was so beautiful.

When Setimo Fuego played, I was front row in front of my friend. I was there totally into it, headbanging and elbowing those moshers who came too close to me. I left with a bruised foot, and hurt ear, but other than that, fully intact. It was really neat to see the crowd so into their band. The crowd hadn't been near the stage for ANY of the bands and then for Setimo Fuego they were all crowded around, and even singing into the mic...

During their song ¨Heredias sangrientas¨(bleeding wounds) I saw little music notes leave guitars, float toward the crowd with bleeding hearts, turn into little crosses, and pick up the droplets of blood that had fallen, carry them to the heart, and act as a stitch to hold the wounds together. To me this spoke of how Jesús is concerned with each drop of blood that we shed, and wants to bring healing to our hearts. Through all of this, a blue cloud hovered over the crowd as they played, it was this healing balm that just rested on all those who heard their music that night.

Dream Conference, and a not so lonely night

I went to a conference about Biblical dream interpretation.

Dreams

• God use everyday experiences to speak to us of the kingdom of God
• God wants to open our eyes to see spiritual truth in the natural things we expereince (Jesus spoke in parables)
• a symbol has meaning from the inherit characteristics
• symbols can have negative and positive meanings
• symbols don't always mean the same thing
• there can be a profound message with a simple symbol
• The Lord puts several symbols together to make a parable
• most dreams represent the dreamer, a message to for or about the dreamer
• dreams will relate to our spheres of influence
• numbers:
• 1-begining
• 2- divided, division, to judge
• 3-conform
• 4-rule
• 5-work
• 6-image
• 7-complete
• 8-put off
• 9-harvest
• 10- weigh, measure
• Symbols can obtain different meanings throught the lens of cultures
• symbols can have different meaning because of personal experiences.
• repititious dreams are extremely important

I took a taxi home, and the taxi driver was really interested in what I do in missions, how do I pay for it, what would happen in the case that I were in a relationship how would long distance work out, it was really funny.

I spent the rest of the day sick in bed.

I was really lonely, its so weird in my immediate family would have been checking on me making tea, making sure I was alright. But I could have died and they would have no idea.... it was really sad, so I asked God. God I just need to be lavished with your love right now.

Then I was no longer in my bed. I was in a porcelain tub filled with different spices/ oils that just driped off of my finter tips as I pulled my hand out of the water. The room was full of fragrant aromas, and rose petals floated on the surface. I just melted as I felt God playing with my hair, combing it, and braiding it. WOW I felt like Esther about to go before the king.... :) yay Jesus thank you for your sweet touch.

This is the preparations of Esther:
12 Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. 13 And this is how she would go to the king: Anything she wanted was given her to take with her from the harem to the king's palace. 14 In the evening she would go there and in the morning return to another part of the harem to the care of Shaashgaz, the king's eunuch who was in charge of the concubines. She would not return to the king unless he was pleased with her and summoned her by name.

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED BY NAME :)

El Portrero

When we arrived home from Los Guidos, we quickly ate and got ready to go to our family’s property.We took our uncles Jeep, and he had us stand up as we braved the rugged mountain terrain.

There we had some amazing tour guides (Santiago and Jose Daniel pictured below), who led us through the lush forest to see the waterfall. On our way back up we climbed what felt to be a straight wall, it was amazing.

Ruthie is a born leader. She would stand in the water and give people hands across so that they could stay dry. It was awesome to see. She would wait until the last person crossed, run ahead and do it again- amazing.

Costa Rica has a central valley surrounded by mountains. We went up the mountains at night to see all the lights of the central valley it was beautiful and we had a really POWERFUL time of prayer calling Eve forth- big stuff.

Hephzibah

Another day at the track, o dear, my body is both pleased and angry at me… but I feel more ALIVE.

We piled into a van and headed to Desamparados (without support – which I have renamed Hephzibah – my delight is in her-Today we went to “Los Guidos” a really poor, really rough town. My cousins all warned us that the only people who go in there and come out alive are the people who live there, and even then chances are slim…

But we went and we met with Pastor Eduardo. He asked us if he could speak a bit with us. The group all decked out in their white shirts with the green lettering “go” listened attentively as the pastor shared and I translated.

He spoke of being able to recognize Jesus in the eyes, in the life of the people we are with, and in doing that we would be able to recognize Jesus in the eyes and the life of the people we are ministering to. He approached Joanna, a normal teenage girl who struggles with identity. He looked at her and he said, I can see Jesus in your eyes. She beamed. Then he grabbed Kris’s hands and looked at his eyes and he explained that it wasn’t by chance that the person sitting next to him was there. That it was imperative to see Jesus in his eyes and treat him as such- the person sitting next to him was Santi- our brother who Kris has been railing on for the past year with sarcastic jokes and lofty distance. Santi looked encouraged as the pastor started talking about Santi and how Jesus was present in his life and could be seen in his eyes.

We sang songs, krist translated for Joanna and Kelly while they shared their testemonies of God's faithfulness, and healings in their lives, and played with the kids. I was given the group of 12-14 year olds. We played hot potatoe and they taught me a game similar to big booty but it was called Juan Juan Pedro. Afterwards we helped serve the food for the food program that they have going on.

There was a boy who ate something like a bite of his plate of food. He was so used to not eating that whenever he did, he threw up. JESUS, HAVE MERCY

Right now the food program is feeding over a hundred kids with only half the budget that they need to adequately pay the cooks. They barely make it month by month, but by the
grace of God they are still there.